Unfinished Business… Health Fitness Deals
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I have such a hard time finishing things. Concentration in general is a problem for me, especially when Im sitting in front of the computer. Do I read the forums, post on LiveJournal, troll the Internet, play Spore or Bejeweled, edit the photos Ive taken (do I go out take some more?)? And strewn around the house are projects in various stages of completionand then theres the closet in my room: I have a box for future & already begun projects which have been sitting untouched for over a year now.
I walk across the carpet and note how it needs vacuuming; I look up at the ceiling fan and see the accumulated dust & woodstove soot; the basement is a messditto the garage; the car needs to go to the carwash for a good scrub & vacuum; the dog needs a bath; the cat needs more of his meds; I need an eye exam & its been a while since I went to the dentist (of course, Medicare doesnt even cover that). I could go on, but you get the idea
Ive had two invitations from friends to go to parties & I didnt go to either. Its symptomatic of my inability to make a decisionwhich project or chore or social event to I do? The result is, more often than not, I end up feeling overwhelmed and doing nothing.
I make lists; most mornings I sit, with my tea & toast, and make a To-Do list. If Im doing well, I get 2 or 3 of them done (theres usually at least 6 items on the list). Things carry over from one day to the next. I no longer beat myself up for this lack of productivity. Although I get frustrated occasionally, what I usually feel is apathy and the desire to escape. Most of the things on my list have nothing to do with me, personally. Theres things I need to do for other people, for the animals. Life would be so much simpler if it was just me. Would it be happier? Would I get lonely?
Shouldnt one of these freaking meds Im taking help with all that? Yes, my mood is (more or less) stable, but what about brain functioning? And isnt it a fallacy, anyway, to separate brain from mood?
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